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2 Re: A year of the Crimson Queen on Wed Feb 22, 2017 2:15 pm

Kincaid

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I'll break it down by the 3 parts of the arc:

Beginning -
So I think Bert will be a fun NPC to read about, hope he is. The problem here is this is a Tier 4 Paradise Arc and you have 3 Tier 1 Tasks to make up the beginning. Your last task should definitely be bumped up considering you have numerous monsters ranging from Tier 3 to Tier 5 in it. So to me that just shows you want to beat hard-ish monsters but don't want to type a lot of words to do it. So please update the last task tier to, at the very least, 2, but ideally T3. That being said I REALLY like the idea of Cerulean being unable to use her signature style. Great set up for growth/training montage where she can't use the skills she's relied on throughout her life/career.

Middle -
Damascal looks f***ing terrifying. I like the middle task as a story task, where it shows real growth/development of Cerulean reflecting on not just her defeat but her role in the world. Good way to show not every task needs to be centered around enemy numbers and such. Tier-wise I'm fine with them.

End -
Hmm wow this sounds interesting for sure. So basically, as far as the Marines are concerned Cerulean has gone AWOL? But in reality she's being held prisoner by the Revs? Me likey.

Overall I really like the potential character development you have here, with Cerulean questioning her role in the world and the Marines and ending with her in the pit of the Revolution (whether by intent or not). Edit what I mentioned and beyond that I say I look forward to an interesting read.

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4 Re: A year of the Crimson Queen on Wed Feb 22, 2017 2:28 pm

Kincaid

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No worries, like I said just update it to say Tier: 2 and you're good to go

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8 Re: A year of the Crimson Queen on Tue Mar 07, 2017 1:51 pm

shootershoot

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