One Piece Pirate Nation

AU One Piece Roleplay

Welcome to Pirate Nation, Events are currently in progress. Make sure to keep an eye out for new events posted in the Events Section

Log in

I forgot my password



Latest topics
» Queen of the Desert: Suna Suna No Mi
Today at 1:35 am by Kincaid

» Bastets Kitsunebi-ryu
Today at 1:33 am by Kincaid

» Staff Request: Skills
Yesterday at 11:09 pm by Isabella

» Staff Request: Characters and Updates
Yesterday at 10:44 pm by Ghost

» King Of paradise vs King of Paradise (TAKEOVER) task
Yesterday at 10:40 pm by Ghost

» Staff Requests: MISC
Yesterday at 9:38 pm by Ghost

» Cursed Wheel
Yesterday at 9:14 pm by Freyr Preben

» Halloween Event
Yesterday at 9:14 pm by Freyr Preben

» Fishman Island : ONES TRUE SELF! ENTER THE DRAGON!
Yesterday at 9:03 pm by Freyr Preben

Statistics
We have 1058 registered users
The newest registered user is Strigidae Borea

Our users have posted a total of 64580 messages in 8449 subjects
Affiliates
Our Button

Vote For Us

Affiliates



You are not connected. Please login or register

View previous topic View next topic Go down  Message [Page 1 of 1]

1 Freedom For All {TASK} on Fri Dec 02, 2016 3:25 pm






"...Mirror, Mirror, On the wall. Who is the Fairest of them All?"



The Task:

Name: Freedom for All
Tier: 4
NPC or PC: NPC
Location: Universal 
Crew, Team, or Personal: (Crew Task must be done with one or more Crew Members.)
Description: You have just gotten word from the Revolutionary Army that the marines have many bases located all over the seas they have been doing experiments on those of thenot of the human race. The Revolutionaries see this as an act against life and want to free all of those who have been turned by the marines using great stealth. But, if you wish you can start it all off with a bang and throw the stealth approach out the door, as when you do release them thier altered nature will make it hard to sneak out. But it isn't impossible to do that, just extremely difficult. 

Though, this won't be easy as these are the marines most guarded places. One of the General of the Revolutionary Army does want this information, so that he can advance thier army. If you agree with his vies on doing this to help 
advance the army do this, if not ignore it. 
Enemy Details: 1000T0, 20T1 Marines, 20T2 Marines, 15T3 Mutant 
Boss: No


Chapter 1:



Uno Tres Mutonato, this is the base on the outskirts of the Alabasta Kingdom that you must travel to in order to help free those who are being experimented on by the marines. The base is heavily guarded as the marines are performing many scientific horrors in order to greatly increase their power. There are over a thousand people there to stop you from revealing the marines for what they really are. You can either secretly do this and come out with no price on your head or you can show the marines that not only The Revolutionary isn’t out for there head, but pirates as well. Which means that if caught you must reveal yourself as a pirate instead of a Rev. If you go towards the hard way… Your bounty will greatly increase if this is a success. And the World Government will be out for your head. Stay Safe Aurum Seito as this mission is life or death and if you fail you will surely rot.



That was what the letter said as the Kuja slowly walked through the sandstorm. This was an important mission. One that she didn’t even receive any help on. Which meant she would have to use the best of her abilities in order to succeed. Already she had thought of a plan in order to easily destroy this base for what it was for. She had chosen to take the route that put a large amount of bounty on her head. It was best for her to be recognized as a Pirate instead of apart of the revolution. This way she could easily do things that the marines would not expect. Showing a evil grin as she held her head down with her hood on. She would remember that this was not a real sandstorm. From the power erupting from it she knew that it was caused by some sort of power. Most likely that of a Devil Fruit. Which meant that whoever was making this Sandstorm was rather powerful.



She wouldn’t sigh as she knew this was a daring task. Breaking and Entering a Marine Base in hopes of destroying it wasn’t really a easy task. She had planned to kill almost every marine in the base and leave the rest to spread her name. That would surely grant her with a giant bounty. But hopefully the Revolution would grant her a large sum of beli after the mission is completed. She needed more things if she were to rise in the ranks of the world. Still walking through the sand she would hear some voices as she neared whatever dark object in the distance she was walking towards.



“Those damned mutants. I don’t know why Dr. Fugi is even attempting to create those devils. I heard they just killed two of our men.” said a deep voice. After the voice had said that she would hear some soft answers from what seemed like four different voices. That meant that she was near the base. Mutants? She had never heard of that word before. Maybe that was some new type of animal. But whatever it was she was tasked to free them. Which meant that she needed to take out the 5 Guards at the front of the base. The further she walked towards the base. The clearer her vision would seem to become. Unsheathing her Katana as she broke out into a full speed run. She would move like a blur directly between the five man. Running up the wall 7 feet away from them. Feeling as if gravity was going to force her back to the earth. She would bend her knees and perform a backflip off the wall, landing on the back of the first man she had heard talking. Or so she would assume.



As she landed on his back all of the men would look at her in surprise. She would simply say “boo” as she stabbed the man in the back of his neck, pointing the katana upward as it sprouted out the top of his head like a flower blooming. At maximum speed pulling the Katana out. She would throw it at the men in front of her. The whole blade passing through his neck. As he fell backwards onto the ground. His throat gargling blood. Forgetting the katana, she would pull out her wand. Using the tipped in she would roll over the body of the man she was on top of and come to stab the man to the left of her in the knee as he would howl in pain and fall on the ground. Activating her soul stealing skill. She would see the souls of the three man as she quickly spun on one hand grabbing all of the souls with her free hand. Fueling her body as she absorbed each soul.



Coming out of the spin she would stand on her feet. Looking at the lifeless bodies of all the men, she would only smirk. Going to gather her weapons she would put them back into their necessary places. After doing this she would come to look at the place. However as she looked at she would realize that it wasn’t exactly a building, but a very large wall. A wall that went for hundreds of meters both in the air and on the sides. What exactly was hidden in this base. What exactly were the marines trying to hide. Forgetting about how to get over the wall. She would walk back towards the men on the ground. Looking at their lifeless bodies she would crouch over the body of the one that she had killed. He seemed to be the leader over this little group. Looking over his body she would see a key among many other things. Beginning to strip the man she would realize that she needed to put his cloths on. Thrusting the clothes over her assassin clothing she would come to see that it was a really nice fit. Readjusting the items on her, she would nod her head. Now was time to get past the giant wall.


T2
Revolutionary
[url=http://op-piratenation.forumotion.com/t6336-soru-soru-no-mi-curse-of-the-devil#46454
Soru Soru no Mi[/color][/url]
1026



Last edited by Aurum Seito on Sat Dec 03, 2016 6:28 am; edited 2 times in total

View user profile

2 Re: Freedom For All {TASK} on Fri Dec 02, 2016 5:52 pm






"...MirrorMirrorOn the wallWho is the Fairest of them All?"


Chapter 2:


After fully putting on the clothes and readjusting her items. Aurum would only come to stare at the wall for a total of 10 Minutes. Maybe the guards were only on patrol and had come for a pit stop in front of this particular spot. If that were the case. Where was the door or gate or whatever it was that they had come through? Was located so that she could get in? Rubbing her temples on her head. The Kuja would only shake her head no as she would look up the wall. After staring at that part of the wall she would look both to her left and right. The wall seemed to extend forever. So which way should she go in order to get on the other side of the wall. Going back to the dead bodies lying in the sand. She would begin to look for footsteps. Of course most of the steps had been covered due to the sandstorm in the distance that had blew sand near the wall. Although she could see the ever so small prints of shoes in the sand. Smiling she could see which direction the prints were coming from.



Going the opposite way of where the footprints were going. She would seem to trace the never ending wall. Though as she walked she would begin to hear loud roaring and the destruction of what sounded like cement. What the hell was going on the other side. Her heart would only pound as she would hear the ear destroying screams of those on the other side. She would begin to sweat. Thick beads of water dripping down her forehead as the air would seem to thicken. What was happening? What was she experiencing? Millions of thoughts would run in her mind as she would come to see only a single ladder going up the wall. All the way to the top. So this was what the marines had in mind? A giant wall to hide their facility. With only a single ladder to get in or out of it? She would frown. It seemed she would have to scale the side of the mountain. Walking up to the ladder, she would grip both sides of it as she would begin to climb up the ladder. Left, right, left, right was the motion that she was using as she climbed.



For what seemed like hours. She would come to see the top of the wall nearing. Looking down she would see that the ground was so faraway and that if she fell even the cushioned sand couldn’t save her. Which meant that her body and bones will be destroyed instantly on impact. Forgetting her death that could be. She would continue to climb up the ladder. Minutes later she would come to climb over the top of it. On what seemed to be a balcony. Coming to her balance on her feet. The sight she saw on the other side of the wall only sent horrors throughout her mind.



2 Giants around 50 Feet in height were running around the place. Smashing buildings and little bugs. As she looked, she would realize that the bugs were screaming rather loudly. Wait. Screaming? Her mind would go black as she realized that those weren’t bug the giant had, but humans. Squinting her eyes she would see that the humans didn’t look like regular humans. Some of them had antennas, some wings, some large legs. It was like a Freak Show on the other side. Only shaking her head. She would realize the World Government wasn’t the messiah that the people depicted it to be. It was a evil place where they didn’t care for anyone. As she only stared at the events that were happening before her eyes. One of the giants would come to notice her. Its white hair flowing in the wind as it would come running at full speed towards her. In what seemed like seconds it would throw its body at the wall. Not even destroying the wall even slightly. However it had knocked Aurum off of her balance and sent her flying off of the wall and into the hell hole. Right on top of the Giant’s head. As she landed on the head of the giant her fatigue would seem to go away. It was as if something was trying to make her go unconscious. Then she would remember. Seastone was a type of rock that negated the power of devil fruits. Looking at the wall she would see that it was the same grey and blue color as the seastone that she had encountered before. She would become to be filled with shock. The whole wall was made out of seastone. She knew that the marines had a large source of it, but not a source this large.



Shaking her head, she would realize that she was on top of the giant’s head. Which meant that it would soon notice. As soon as she thought this she would hear something whiz through the air. Only a couple feet away from her she would see the hand of the giant moving through the air. Quickly rolling out of the way. The giant would hit himself on the head. Seeing that, Aurum would quickly pull out her wand as she hoped it would work against the giant. Pointing the wand towards the top of the giant’s head. She would shoot a dense ball of red energy at the scalp. As soon as it touched the giant would seem to howl in pain. As it did this Aurum would quickly grab onto the hairs of the giant which were like human sized ropes. In only seconds the giant would seem to yelp as it fell onto the ground in even more pain. As it fell the win would roar into Aurum’s ears as if she was jumping from the sky itself.



As the giant’s body hit the ground. The earth would seem to shake as if a quake was in the happening. This would alert the other giant who would come running towards Aurum and her opponent. Aurum thinking the other giant was going to eat her had began to run away towards the only building that seemed like it was intact. However, as she ran she would look back to see that giant had only begun to eat the other giant. She wouldn’t forget that the giant was even dead, but just in immense pain. Running as she looked at the cannibalism. She would turn around and keep running. As she ran the mutants would seem to come from everywhere. Seeing this as there chance to both escape their torture and to kill the Pure One.





T2
Revolutionary
[url=http://op-piratenation.forumotion.com/t6336-soru-soru-no-mi-curse-of-the-devil#46454
Soru Soru no Mi[/color][/url]
1129

View user profile

3 Re: Freedom For All {TASK} on Fri Dec 02, 2016 8:12 pm






"...MirrorMirrorOn the wallWho is the Fairest of them All?"



Chapter 3



As she ran night would seem to spread amongst the small town like facility. Coming to realize as she ran away from the zombie like creatures. Maybe this was a testing facility that the marines used to test the abilities of these mutants. And if so. How were they able to get their hands on a pair of giants. As she ran, a total of 15 mutants would come to surround her. As they hand surrounded her leaving her in a middle of a circle with the diameter of about 10 meters. A alarm would begin to sound. An alarm so loud that the ground would seem to shake. Looking past the mutants and to the silver like building. A thousand of marines would begin to rush out of it. “God Dammit. A person can’t ever get a break in life.” screamed the Kuja as she summoned 15 of her Incarnates. It seemed like this was the time to use her maximum power. Seeing as there were 15 Incarnates and 15 Mutants she would scream and say “Children, attack the humans that surround us. Each of you get one. Don’t forget that they are very strong.” screamed the Kuja as she would run past the crowd of mutants. Barely getting away from the crowd without a fight.



As she got past the mutants. She would look back to see blood everywhere in the area as the Mutants and Incarnates had begun their showdown. Looking back towards the silver building as she ran. She would see at least a thousand marines rushing out. Most likely coming to get her as she was an intruder in her little science experiment. Sighing, the Kuja would unsheathe her Katana as she held it a foot or so away from her chest parallel. She would plan to meet the army of marines as she ran. Cutting a straight line through them with both her strength and speed. And her prayers would seem to be answered as she came to meet the marines. Her Katana’s blade coming to connect with the first marine’s chest as she went down the straight line of marching marines. As she cut through the body of the weak men. Stepping and Jumping over the ones she had sliced in half. She would come to turn around. Seeing around 100 Men dead on the spot in only a few seconds due to the speed in which she was moving at in order to kill them all.



Turning her full body around to face the marines. All of them would come to stare at her in her as she had just took out a 100 of them in a couple of seconds. Aurum’s pink hair would only glow in the night as her red as seemed to be fueled with rage. How could someone dare do anything so horrific to humans who haven’t probably done anything wrong in their life. The marines would move out of their ranks and begin to charge the Kuja at full speed. Aurum would only pray that she would come out of this battle alive as she would also begin to charge at the marines. Truth be told, she could tell that they weren’t much due to how easily she had taken them out. She would assume they were only newly recruited ensigns not knowing what they had gotten themselves into. Shaking her head, she would come to meet the first marine who had came her way. Using her left hand which was free. She would thrust it up towards the man’s chin causing his neck to pop. Instantly killing him as she would duck from the swing of sword. As she duck she would use her free hand once again to grab hold onto the man’s forearm with one hand and throw him onto the tip of the sword. Due to the force of the throw and the weight of the man. The man who held the sword who impaled the man would fall into the sand. Being trampled over by the marines running towards Aurum. Surely killing him.

Still fighting full force. Aurum would activate her soul take as the soul of each and every men and women would come into her view. The gooey white substance surrounding their body. Aurum would smile as she still continued to use her free hand. Grabbing at the souls, instantly absorbing them into her body. As she grabbed at the soul she had come to realize that she had take out at least 10 men in a couple of second due to all of the grabbing that she was doing. She would continue to smirk. Such feeble men who thought they were more powerful than the Revolution. As she thought this. The giant that she thought was still feasting on the other one had come to begin running towards them. Everyone would stop there running and fighting and look back at the giants. Even the Incarnates had stopped to look at it. Once everyone looked back at the giant and back to Aurum. They would begin running towards the only safe place they knew. And that was the giant silver building only a 100 yards away. Aurum would begin to scream with the hundreds of marines, incarnates, and mutants as they ran towards the metal building. However as they got about 10 yards away from the metal building. Sand would erupt from the ground or so she had heard. Causing her to turn around to see the giant man being cut straight in half. Blood and guts spraying all over the ground. Thinking that they were saved. Aurum would remember that the sandstorm outside of the walls had been caused by a devil fruit which meant whomever had controlled that sand only moments ago was nearby.



“You weak infants. Running from my creation as if it wouldn’t have killed you. Fools you all are. Now I will see that you all die. Ensigns, kill both the mutants and the intruders. If not….I will deal with all of you myself!” screamed the man floating on a ball of sand about 20 meters up in the air. Everyone would seem to stare at each other. There was only 10 Incarnates and 5 Mutants left standing vs over 800 Marines. Her Incarnates were the same level as her which meant that they could take out most of the ensigns. However, the mutants were probably weaker. Aurum at this moment didn’t know exactly what to do. But then she would think. If she killed this man who seemed to be the leader of the base of operations. Then maybe she could end all of it. The world still quiet. Aurum would scream a simple order.


“Incarnates and Mutants. Kill the Marines.!” There would be a howl of war as everyone rushed to fight and Aurum would run away from it. She needed to find out how she was going to take out the floating Ash Tray.


T2
Revolutionary
[url=http://op-piratenation.forumotion.com/t6336-soru-soru-no-mi-curse-of-the-devil#46454
Soru Soru no Mi[/color][/url]
1166

View user profile

4 Re: Freedom For All {TASK} on Sat Dec 03, 2016 6:09 am






"...MirrorMirrorOn the wallWho is the Fairest of them All?"






Chapter 4



As she ran trying to find a way to take out the floating man. She would feel her feet begin to leave the ground. Looking down, she would see that at least a 25 diameter circle of sand had picked her up and floated her up to the sky towards the leader of the base. The sand circle would fuse with the circle that the man was standing on top of. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Little Kuja Aurum. If I had known you would have interfered with my plans to create the most powerful of beasts than I would have killed you back on the island all of those years ago.” said the commander as he would crack his knuckles and begin to move his left fingers. The sand in front of him forming into a short leaf shaped sword. Aurum only staring at him with her own katana in her left hand would say. “What are you talking about.” The man would only laugh again as he would surge forward. Running through sand straight towards the Kuja. Five of her Incarnates had been taken out of the battle, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t summon more. Her stamina had finally been replinished so she could dish out another five.



Locking her eyes onto her target. She would summon five more of the black blobs. They would line on either side of her as the man continued to run straight for her. At the moment it was Six vs One though she knew that this still wouldn’t be an easy battle. Not just anyone was a leader of a high end facility such as this. Although the question still ran in her head. What island was the man talking about. Nodding her head as the man was now 10 meters away from her she would say “Children, help me kill the man.” All of them would cheer in delight as they all would run forward towards the man. Aurum herself would only stay back and watch as she would try to formulate a plan on how the man fought. However, as she saw the Incarnates engage in battle. The man had quickly take them out. With a swipe of his hand he had made spikes of sand. Puncturing each incarnate on the floating circle to death. This would only cause him to laugh as he would say “Little Kuja. I wonder how your twin brother would feel about you killing again. I am sure you wouldn’t want to turn into the devil you were when you took out that whole island.” said the man.



Faint memories from her past would begin to flash in her head. The execution of a man that she had done. Snapping someone’s neck. She would remember that back before she had joined the Revolution. She had did something that not even most pirates had done. Kill over a thousand people in a single night. The hatred and pain that she had felt on that day had began to surge in her mind. Her pink hair glowing as it floated in the air. Her blood red eyes seeming to glow as well. Her voice would be full of greed as she would say “No one speaks of that day as long as I live.” Surging forward at maximum speed. Her Katana’s blade would hit the neck of the man. However, as soon as it had connected. The neck of the man had completely turned into sand, making the blade pass right through it. However, the Kuja would not stop as she would continue to hack and slash at her opponent. The man would only laugh as all of her attacks would phase through his body. Aurum had heard of this type of Devil Fruit before. Apparently it was one of the rarer kind. A logia if she remembered. It allowed the user to control and turn into the element of the devil fruit. She would have never thought she had to face one now.



As she continued to fight. She would see a cloud form in the distance. It would slowly moving towards them. Then she would see it begin to pick up speed as if the winds of eden were helping it surge forward. She didn’t know why, but something was telling her to make contact with the cloud. Nodding her head, Aurum would perform a backflip away from the man as she would run away from him. However, as she ran away she would look behind herself and see what seemed to be a wave of sand attempting to capture her and most likely kill her. Running as if her life meant it and it really did. She would come to the edge of the sand circle. Propelling herself off of it as if she was a rocket and straight into the air. Flying through the air. She would come to meet the cloud as she would quickly touch it. Upon touch the thing would seem to turn solid as it would go from white to grey. Electricity would pass through it. Aurum would mindlessly grip the cloud as she held on to it. “Mother, what should I do.” spoke the cloud. Aurum getting out of her crazed mindset would only look on in amazement. She knew that she hadn’t fully awoken her Devil Fruit abilities yet. However, this last ability was a great one indeed. When she had touched the cloud she felt a part of the souls she had taken go into the cloud. It was as if she had given something life.



And then she would think about it. She did indeed give something life. And if she had given the cloud life. Could the cloud be able to use it abilities. Feeling the electricity surge throughout the cloud she would say “Sonny, I want you to strike this whole town with nothing but lightning.” The lightning bolt shaped eyes and mouth would seem to move up and down on the cloud’s face as it would begin to scream. Lightning would come from the bottom of it and begin to hit the town as it would destroy everything and turn the sand into glass. Aurum would quickly desummon her incarnates as she would witness something powerful. After seconds the cloud would say “the job is done.” Looking down Aurum would see that almost everyone was dead. The ones that were left were screaming in immense pain, trying to kill themselves. Aurum would only look in amazement as she would nod to the cloud and say “Son, there is one more job for you. Could you float over to that man in the sky.” The cloud would nod again as it shot towards the man. Aurum as the cloud shot forward would turn her Katana’s blade into the armament of haki. Jumping into the air as the cloud propelled forward. She would feel as if she had been thrown. Putting the sword in front of her as she flew towards the man. The long side of the blade would hit him in the neck. Severing his head from his shoulders as it went flying onto the ground below. Aurum throwing her katana upward would let it fall on top of the cloud as she would grip the bottom of it once again. Her anger leaving as the cloud moved slowly towards the silver building.



Her job wasn’t done yet. She still needed to free the trapped humans who were being experimented on. And due to all of the people outside of the base. She knew that the only ones in the silver building were the humans.






T2
Revolutionary
[url=http://op-piratenation.forumotion.com/t6336-soru-soru-no-mi-curse-of-the-devil#46454
Soru Soru no Mi[/color][/url]
0435

View user profile

5 Re: Freedom For All {TASK} on Sat Dec 03, 2016 6:24 am






"...Mirror, Mirror, On the wall. Who is the Fairest of them All?"





Chapter 5: The End

As her new son and herself was floating towards the silver building Aurum would say “Sonny, drop me off in front of the building. I want you to travel to a kingdom far into the west. You should see it. It is named alabasta.” The cloud would only nod as he would move in front of the steps of the building. Aurum would let go, dropping onto the platform looking at the giant opened door.  Aurum would nod back at the cloud and then run into the building. As she ran into it she would see thousands of wires running along the walls. As she ran she would come to see a giant wire. Seeing as that one seemed to be important she would follow it. Following it into a door with two voices coming from it. Aurum would take a deep breath. Kicking down the door, she would rush in as she slammed the men sitting down head into the desk he was sitting at. Instantly the destroying his skull. Coming into a spin she would grip the air as the soul of the next man was in sight. Pulling it towards her she would instantly kill him. It was a quick execution.



Beginning to look around the room. She would see at least a hundred glass thing with moving pictures in them. Each moving picture seemed to have a different person being experimented on it. Aurum would only nod. So these were the prisoners who were still being experimented on. Deciding to leave the room to free them one by one. She would look back and see a red button that was labeled “Release All Prisoners.” Well that was simple enough thought the Kuja as she went and pressed the button. Each horrific act being done on the prisoners would stop as they would be unleashed from their straps and the doors of their cell like places opening. Aurum would begin to hear screams of enjoyment as she walked out of the hallway. All of the prisoners was running. This would cause her to say “I am the one who released you. I am the one who killed everyone outside. I am the Messiah. Now when they find you. Tell them that Aurum Seito is the Devil’s Child. And I am coming to kill every last one of them.” said Aurum as she ran out of the building. She had seen a  small door in the wall which she was sure led to the outside. Her job was complete and now she was probably gonna be hunted by every marine in Paradise.






T2
Revolutionary
[url=http://op-piratenation.forumotion.com/t6336-soru-soru-no-mi-curse-of-the-devil#46454
Soru Soru no Mi[/color][/url]
0435

View user profile

6 Re: Freedom For All {TASK} on Sat Dec 03, 2016 6:26 am

Task Completed 

Total WC: 5,026 (Went over the 3,800WC Req)
Total Deaths: Over 900 Marines

Declaring the Aurum is a rev in secret and is pirate to the world. So Pirate colors

View user profile

7 Re: Freedom For All {TASK} on Sat Dec 03, 2016 2:07 pm

Post 1:
Good effort on the setting up your becoming a mole/double agent
Interesting take on the sandstorm
Wished you described your powers a little more.
Nice use of disguise.
8/10 story development

Post 2:
Nice use of foreshadowing as she was tracing the wall.
Could have used the sandstorm's effects better.
I liked the giant scene and the seastone covering the place. I am slightly wary of the wand's use to incapacitate it. Since there's no log of the skills you used, it's leaving me slightly torn.
great development though, in terms of what makes the place special as it has a full seastone coated wall.
9/10

Post 3:
I'm sure your sheet has descriptions,but you could again embellish your post a little and describe what the servants you summoned looked like.
Good sword play, nice little tidbits of the marines you're actually killing. Newly acquired ensigns in over their heads.
The marines found you out way too fast. didn't get to use the uniform.
8/10

Post 4:
reoccurring villan? Pretty neat. I liked the mention of a twin.
You got minions.... I want minions. Gonna dock you 5000000000000000 points fuck you


Post 5:
Nice declaration, could have worked on having the minions acknowledge you before letting them go.
I liked how you set the cloud up for a future task

My overall comments. There were a few good things that were squandered due to pacing. A few things like the lightning that I was not entirely sure about. I wasn't sure about the giant nor was I completely convinced the marines would have prempted you back in post three. I reckon they'd go and try to bring the giant down and might have been concerned about you, rather than simply going for your head. Maybe the commander with the suna might have, but that is my biggest gripe.

Had you spent a little more time on the events and fleshing them out, this would have been 10/10. I believe this is an 8/10 though.

1.7 million beli x 2 = 3.4 mil
30 million bounty x 2 = 60 mil
32k experience points x 2 = 64k


_________________
My character sheet:Link
Current log pose points:27
Date:11/1
Holy trinity of waifus
View user profile

Sponsored content



View previous topic View next topic Back to top  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum